We All Make Mistakes

It was a mistake. After the elections, I returned to watching network news.

For most of the last four years, I have avoided watching or listening to any news program that was likely to mention the antics of the Trump administration or the latest impasse facing our elected representatives. That didn’t mean I never heard what was happening; it’s pretty difficult today to avoid news slipping in under the doors or windows. Even if I kept all my devices notification-free, and deleted all news apps, friends attending Zoom meetings often brought up events of the day in between the book we were discussing, or the budget meeting I was attending.

By not watching or listening to the discouraging news feeds, I saved myself from totally falling into despair. However, after I absorbed the fact that 70,000,000 people would have preferred four more years of the same, depressing enough, I began watching the news again. I wanted to stay informed about the progress of the Covid19 vaccine research.

Which is why this morning I served up the Today Show with my breakfast. Fortunately, as tears ran down my cheeks during a Citibank ad, and I realized I was exhibiting the sadness my friends have been reporting, the Alexa device beside me announced a call from one of my three four-year-old granddaughters.

An Antidote to Sadness

Mommy was still sleeping, my caller announced, and Papa needed to do some work in his office. Would I read to her from one of my Frog and Toad books?  Thus began a 50-minute adventure that included three stories, one of which she had memorized and “read” to me, a search in her closet for the hobby horse I made for her birthday, and a demonstration of how well she could ride the wheeled horse around her room. She brought stuffed animals out of her toy box to show me. She took a photo off the shelf to show me. And we both collapsed into giggling fits when she brought over her friend Buzz Lightyear who talks and flaps his jetpack wings when she pushes the buttons.

How refreshing and life-affirming is a conversation with a four-year-old. Or a five, six, ten, or twelve-year-olds for that matter. That we could laugh together at the antics of a mechanical toy reminded me that the future is in good hands. Her hands.

My children are Gen Xers and Millenials.  They all have a pretty clear vision of our nation’s failings, but they are generally optimistic about our future. I suspect that is because each of them has young children, all members of the Alpha Generation, and they experience life-affirming fits of giggles fairly often. During the pandemic, I’ve observed them upping their teaching game – not just because their children’s schools, preschools, dance lessons, and playdates are now online. Teaching their children simple manners and setting expectations for acceptable behavior is the only way they can live in harmony when they are together 24/7. I think we will all appreciate their efforts when this is all over.

Manners During Video Calls

One thing my children have all been working on is how to carry on a telephone conversation with Grandma. Recently my son scripted the ends of our video calls, reminding his daughter not to hang up on me. “First agree with Grandma that the call is ending, and say ‘Thank you for calling, Grandma. Then remember to say goodbye.”  Today he even reminded her to give me time to say goodbye before she pressed the “disconnect” button.

One of my daughters has been prompting her four-year-old: “Tell Grandma what we did this morning.” Or “Why don’t you ask Grandma what she had for lunch today?”  Sometimes I am asked to read stories; other times to watch my granddaughter eat her lunch, and carry on a conversation while she does so. That daughter also encourages a polite end to our calls. 

My oldest granddaughter, a 4th grader totally tired of Zoom school, Zoom lessons, Zoom playdates, has just been given an email address and a texting capability. Her thoughtful mother, realizing that Zoom calls were a nonstarter, shared that information with me and immediately closed the space that had grown between her daughter and me during our separation.

I am so grateful to see my children teaching their children how to use technology to stay in touch with me. It tells me that these young children are being taught to consider the feelings of other people, a virtue that is not always displayed in today’s world. I am also grateful that someone has noticed this new dynamic in parent-grandparent-grandchild relations, and has stepped up to help.

Grandma’s in the Phone

Shelby Hoefling has written a delightful book titled Grandma’s in the Phone. The pictures were drawn by Stephanie Hider, and between the author and the illustrator, they do a masterful job of depicting this new world of children and grandparents communicating electronically. Mac and Grandma Patty miss one another after her visit ends, and Mac’s parents set up a video call so that Mac can tell Grandma Patty how much he misses her.

The calls continue, and Mac shares his favorite toys, his superhero costume, his new vegetable garden, and even his dance moves with Grandma Patty. She dances along with Mac to their favorite music. He shares in the experience of Grandma making cookies and then takes her and the phone into his kitchen so she can see what he is having for dinner.

The author of this delightful book has a close relationship with her own grandmother. She has stepped into the breach to teach other families how to maintain those precious relationships even during long absences. She encourages quality conversations and interactions to video chats and even provides a list of topics children can introduce into their time together online. For example, “Did you draw anything you can show Grandma?” and “Can you let your stuffed animal friends say hi to Grandma?”

If you have young grandchildren, nieces, or nephews, I encourage you to send this book to them. I bought five copies, and they will soon be heading to each of my grandchildren. I’m keeping one here just for the list of great talking points. I look forward to many more giggle fests with my grandchildren.

Here’s the irony: I heard about the book on the Today show! Perhaps returning to broadcast news isn’t all bad.

Happy chatting!

Marlene Anne Bumgarner writes about food, families, and traditions. The author of The Book of Whole Grains, Organic Cooking for (not-so-organic) Mothers and Working with SchoolAge Children, her latest book is about raising children, animals, and vegetables on a rural plot of land in the 1970s. Back to the Land in Silicon Valley was published in July.